Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Jerk Points

I think that there should be a stricter limit to the assholery that the average citizen is lawfully permitted to commit. I think that everyone should get a set number of "jerk points" to spend on various activities or items. And then, when your jerk points are gone, they're gone. The only way to get em back is to give up one of your jerky contrivances and until then, you are not permitted any jerk behavior.

Let's say, for example, that everyone gets 500 jerk points. Let's say that owning a cell phone will cost you 75 of those jerk points. Hey, I own a cell phone, and I'd admit that it's worth about 75 jerk points. But if you use Bluetooth then that'll cost you an extra 50 JP. OK. Certain things will cost more JP than others... sporting a fauxhawk is worth maybe 10 JP, but forgetting to say please and thank you to service workers is worth 80.

And let's say... let's say that owning a Hummer costs you all 500 of your jerk points. So if you are the individual who made a left turn and cut me off while I was walking in the ped xing today while you were driving your stupid black Hummer and talking on your cell phone, then you have committed a serious jerk point infraction, and your ass should be in jail. In jail while they pipe in Anne Coulter's steady stream of consciousness. If you can call it that.

Also, today at the library a dude got arrested by two cops right in front of me! Ooo!

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